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| Our first family picture |
What an adventure this has been over the last 10 months. I can remember the feeling that I had the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test on Dec 16th last year. I am more than proud to officially announce on this blog that Isaac is here. As many of you know or may have read on my previous post Isaac did not make an early appearance into the world as the Dr's and I had thought. I guess my "mother's intuition" was way off on this one. For weeks I was having contractions and signs that labor was right around the corner. So much so that when the time really came I was not even sure that it was really here. I had pretty much given up the hope that I would start labor naturally and was looking forward to my scheduled induction set for Tuesday August 30th. However, like usually my little man had plans of his own, and made his intro into this world at 11:27pm on August 29th!
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| 1 day old my little skinny mini |
I had started this post just a few days after Isaac's 1 month, but now that he is 7 1/2 weeks I am actually getting around to trying to finish it....These past weeks have at times been a complete blur. I have seen my precious little one go from being minutes old to now almost 2 months, and each day we are learning new things. In all honesty the first few weeks were really hard. Much harder than I could have ever anticipated. I had thought that I had prepared myself for what was to come and I couldn't have been more wrong. The birth plan going completely out the window was just the tip of the iceberg. It was my very first lesson that what you plan on happening is not realistic. The very last thing that I wanted was a cesarean delivery and that is what happened. When they told me that I was our only option I was completely devastated. It sounds really horrible but I had to snap out of it quick because I knew once I came out of the operating room I was going to be Isaac's Mommy. As I lay there on the table waiting for him to come out there was so much chatter in my head, but I really had to cling to the children's song "This is the day". The lyrics are simple, "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!". Here I was about to meet Isaac I could not feel any self-pitty I need to see God through all of it.
Hearing Issac's first cry was like music to my ears, he was okay and was here. Of course tears feel from my eyes. Although the moment was nothing like I had imagined it was here and the reality was we were now officially a family of three. It was hard to let Eddie and Isaac go as they went to the labor room while I just lay there and let them finish getting me all put back together. What I have come to realize now is that many people have c-sections, but they really don't talk about it. I had absolutely no idea what I was in for. The hardest part of it all was the wait to hold Isaac. Even after I was in the labor room I had to wait even longer to hold Isaac due to all the fluids in my body making me shake like a crack addict! The nurse kept asking if I was ready and I just had to keep my composure and say, "No, I'd like to not be shaking so much when I hold him so that I don't drop him." Not to mention that due to the drugs I still could not feel my lower half. I was NOT prepared for the surgery at all. The remaining days in the hospital where really rough, adjusting to motherhood along with recovering from the c-section seemed like an impossibility at times.
Ok...and I am back now at 8 weeks old trying to finish this post...I had done all the reading about baby blues and postpartum, but like hoping that I would never have to deal with the c-section I felt the same about postpartum. To say that I was a ball of emotions would be an understatement. I was doing all that I could to put on that brave face and say that all was fine, but on the second day in the hospital it seemed like it was all coming down and falling a part. Isaac came down with a fever, the time he was nursing was going down, and he was loosing too much weight. They had me start supplementing him with formula which was another upsetting thing for me. I was dead set on breast feeding and to have to supplement him hit me hard. All of this was overwhelming for me as a new mother. I felt as if I was completely alone, which is really funny because I had Eddie there with me and my family and friends visiting me. I really started to doubt my abilities as a mother, and started thinking what in the world did I get myself into. Then I started feeling worse because I felt that I shouldn't be having these feelings. What got me through all the postpartum was my relationship with God. Being able to talk to him in prayer minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. Being a parent is wonderful and I couldn't imagine not having Isaac in our lives for one second! However I know it is something that I could not and wouldn't want to do with out the Lord in my life. I have been using the devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It is AMAZING!! From the first day that I picked it up it is as if each devotional has been written specifically to me on that day as something that God wants to share with me. Stacey Wood shared a message last Mother's Day and to sum it up with one statement "Children are not for our happiness but for our holiness". Each day I am learning more and more about this. There are several happy moments of Motherhood, but they are also paired with moments of self doubt, anger, resentment, fear, and unhappiness. Knowing that God is shaping my character gives me so much peace. I see more and also understand that there is a purpose behind all the not so glamorous side of parenting.
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| My model baby @ 1month old |
Isaac has grown and changed so much in these past eight weeks. I was looking at pictures of him from the hospital yesterday and almost can't remember what it was like when he was that small. He has gone from being my little skinny mini at 6lbs 9oz, to 11lbs! He is now making cooing and squeaking noises to use his voice and talk to us. He found his hands last week but he doesn't know that they are really his yet, he just knows that he can seem them and suck on his hand. His little legs are also not so little anymore, he likes to use then to kick up a storm. We have a kick and play bouncer that he loves to play in and it a such a joy to have see his little face light up when he sees the little lights go off. We are slowly working our way into a routine of sorts. Because he is just 8 weeks, I am not writing anything on the calendar because I know that it could all change tomorrow. But, I am counting my blessings that he is a healthy little one that is a good eater and a good sleeper. I am looking forward to the many adventures that there will be to come and whatever else Issac has in store for us to learn as first time parents. My goal is to also keep this blog updates more often so that one day I can show this to him and he can learn more about his Mom.
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| 8 weeks @ Pumpkin Patch |
